Are You Holding Your Relationship Hostage??

I was researching effective ways to communicate with your spouse when I came across this article, which is one of the most prolific articles I've ever read. A man said after five years of controlling his wife and criticizing everything she did his marriage healed the night he said "I'm sorry". He said he never allowed his wife the right to complain without paying a huge price, and this destroyed their intimacy. Now he has learned that nothing makes his wife feel more secure than being a selfless, sensitive, verbally affectionate husband who is the leader in spirituality, romance, finance, and children. His advice: Create a safe atmosphere for your spouse to be real. The safest place for her to discuss her problems should be with you. Never use anything your spouse tells you in confidentiality against her, ie divulge it or use it against her in an argument because she'll never open up to you again. Never reject your spouse, rejection is the worst emotion a human being can feel and she will make it her life mission to be sure you feel her pain. Men would much rather spend time with their spouse if they're having fun. If you're not meeting your spouse's needs today she won't be optimistic about your future and you won't get the best out of her if she is insecure about her future. Security for a woman is when her man is attached, connected, committed, and sacrifices to meet her needs. Remember to speak each other's language and LOVE is THE best feeling any human being can feel. He also states during his pre-marital counseling sessions many couples decided not to move forward with the wedding after having them fill out an extensive pre-marital questionnaire realizing they were extremely incompatible. He wasn't surprised because nowadays many couples on the verge of marriage focus more on planning the wedding of their dreams instead of asking real questions such as where they will live, how many kids they want, who will be in charge of the finances, who makes the final decisions, etc. According to research from the University of Washington who has a 93% accuracy, the number one predictor of divorce is criticism. Keep in mind sometimes we carry around emotional pre-existing baggage that if not addressed can also be a number one predictor of divorce. This is a pastor who has turned his marriage around, is best friends with his wife and has "the greatest relationship" because he "was beaten up pretty badly" trying to reject the inherited differences between men and women. He is one of the best marriage counselors to date. WOW! Great advice! As I was reading this article I thought to myself wow, after five years of destroying his marriage by never apologizing when he was wrong, criticizing his wife, and making her pay a huge price for complaining, he was holding his relationship hostage. All the love he is now experiencing is because he learned (the hard way), that if he wants the sweetness of marriage it behooved him to learn how to effectively communicate love to his wife. Effectively communicating love to your spouse means you must become humble, very humble. You must be quiet, listen, analyze, and find out who your spouse is and how she communicates love to you. In Lyn Hunt's book Communication in a Relationship, she explains that effective communication is at the heart of all great relationships and gives some of the best top tips on how to build a loving relationship through your mate's communication style. Only if we can get all couples to see how important it is for them to learn this skill to have more love, want to spend more time with each other and have all their friends telling them how much they're glowing because their relationships is just that great! No two people think the same so in a marriage it is important to remember that you are always learning your spouse who is a growing adult and constantly changing. If you do not grow with your spouse and learn her communication style you will be at the bad end of a frustrated wife who feels unappreciated and like her husband doesn't get her. This pastor has "mastered" his wife's language so he knows how to get the best out of her which encouraged her to master his language so she can get the best out of him. Now, because this couple makes it a priority to effectively communicate love to each other in their language, they have reached a joyful place in their marriage where they genuinely love and appreciate one another. Stay tuned for an extensive pre-marital questionnaire to find out if your husband/wife to be is the best fit for you. Good Luck and may your marriage be filled with joy, blessings, peace, happiness, prosperity, and longevity. For a chance to win free advertisement on The Hujrah Wahhaj Show like my page  here.